Holly cow

Comin at ya like a bag of fleas!

Moving is now becoming a serious effort on the new home, part of me thinks I shall fuse into the place before long.

Last night was undoubtedly the coldest on the thing, yet we have still managed to not turn on the stove yet. Yet it feels like if we turn it then BAM on then i'll be doing hoola wearing nothing but a sarong and pink fluff whilst gobbing on a crab.

Actually its much more likely that I won't be doing that, but turning into a stone gargoyle on the pew, that is much more likely, alas, that will not be tonigth as I have another light to fit anda gas bottle to change..

But expect to hear from a much lasier me from now on, bed at 8 O'clock tonight anyone?

xxx

Happy birthday to me

I already have got a new mobile and some fab braces which i'm currently sporting at work today,

I've spilled some coffee on a woman on the tube who wanted my death afterwards, and i also spilt some on myself earlier on the train - no more coffee today, but who cares when you're running off the adrenaline of being 22 years old.

And they're so sweet at work - my manager Paul wants to go through how to use the invoice printer with me today, gosh, isn't it nice that when people remember?...I mean I just love invoice printers, they're really fun... So great.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Next investment: a large tank to sit on our pontoon with adjoining joy stick tubing with powerful suction capabilities so we never have to move our boat again.

Next investment: A large amount of vallium for the next time we even think about switching the engine on.

Next Investment: A bible.

Next Investment: Scientific companies experimenting in teleportation products.

So a new day dawns, a sad day admittedly, having been thoroughly outplayed by our boat, even the fact that the European cup final is on tonight scarcely lifts my mood – I feel like I’ve truly aged, but in any case, there is no sense in being too melodramatic about our first boating near-disaster.

It is my birthday tomorrow and I’ll be 22 so hopefully the influx of things I want will cheer me up.. At least it won’t involve doing this; AHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

xxx

Burners on boats

Thinking of starting a Burners on boats tribe?

What does everybody think?

I can think of 4 members already... if i spread the word then who knows how far this gravy train will roll!

Land ahoy!

Piss off, i'm a burner on a boat!

Fashion Bot One Online

Once upon a time my wife ordered 35 vintage dresses off ebay for 5 pounds. After spending one afternoon trying on alot of these fine gowns I became particularly attached to one peechy coloured number which will be used at Nowherre - El wire peach cobler anyone?

Now that is put to bed work has begun on a brand new fashion/art piece for Nowhere in which we will tear the guts out of imacs and adorn ourselves in technical finery FASHION BOT 1 IS BORN! Muffin is FASHION BOT 2.

Apart from rendering my lungs into a hoarse state of ghastly indifference through belowing technical fashion insults, the plan is to single handedly project ourselves into new realm of cyborg sexiness on the sun parched Spanish mountains.

But first, we must tackle the drudgery of our jobs and emptying our tank of 'you know what tonight', it'll be the first time we have moved the boat since we spent six hours with our Mongolian/West Country landlord driving her back from the repair yard.

Since then it's all been smiles and sunshine in dispersed with some stress, rust repellant, elsan blue and other such lovelies.. This new life is fucking ace, and it's unsurprising that thoughts have now turned to blinkies and fur (as it inevitably does after a while)

But in case I don't make it back from the pump out, please send all tributes to my darling wife (FASHION BOT 2)

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Random Nihilism

A Bertie basset hound kitchen scrubber robot, a buddha with a gold bannana for a willy, a pencil push broom and paper floor, a bathtub wired up to be an evaporator, a cydog George Bush on a fuel barrel and a bust of Margaret Thatcher!

These are just some of the random things ive seen during yesterday's sculpture submission date for the summer exhibition...The large summer show held at the RA in which theoretically anyone can show work provided they get selected (unlikely), finding yourself looking at a Bust of Clint Eastwood whilst reading up on my boat safety manual in preperation for my imminent move..Fucking hell!