Ode to the bins

Fairwell dear bins and stout binmen, honest of heart and noble of routine. A door closes on a short space of my working life at Eastleigh borough council..

From picking polystyrene out of the recycling, or emptyting compost into a rotopress i will now deal with the strict realities of post modern desert art and working through the nooks and crannies of the behaviour 35'000 slightly unhinged homosapiens..

So here's to my fellow workers all of whom i will never see again..

Dusty Joe- Singer and sebo obsessive
Neil- The fastest loading hands in the south
Mike Bradd- Overtime hoarder and fashion guru
Mike Oliver- Cunt
Dean Spacey- Will work from 6 in the morning to 9 at night..Family man..

Now i will finish this post as i am well aware that i have far too many pictures of men on my blog which may make you ask certain questions about me which have no basis in reality. And im also in danger of becoming weird. So goodbye from me for a while..Next time you here from me ill be browner, more liberal and married. So lets kick up the fire and let the flames break loose! Bring it down! BRING IT ALL DOWN!

Moon sailors

This is a guaranteed way to make you feel happier...

Repeat after me..

We're sailing on the moon
We carry a harpoon
And we sing all night
And we dance and fight

And we sing our wailing tune

I feel better now, not that i felt bad before, i felt amazing, but now im better then amazing..That means im transcending the happiest feeling ever..That means that i am outside the box..That means i can do anything..That means i am everything...That means im you...That means that your me..That means we're all like one big individual identity...

Good song isn't it?

Fly like an eagle and let the spirit carry me..

Its one week to the day until i go gung-ho on America's ass and fly out to the realm of king Bush..Im making special flags, worrying about costumes and writing articles for the burning man paper called the black rock beacon-i'd like to have my own columm (Turts burners) where i have an interview with a burner and get to know the man behind the burner, or the burner behind the woman, or something.

Right now im dealing with banks and agencies desperately trying to get money im owed. Dealing with them is like running after a person whose been rolling around in grease for an hour who screams involutarily "your never gonna catch me", its like having wet bread shoved up every orifice by a man without a face.

Its degrading! and i don't like it.

So all of this preperation is going on and im also getting ready to move in with my wife-to-be so im deliberately being as slobby as i can before i have to start listening to those jif adverts. Earlier i bought some doughnuts and sat there watching star trek breathing heavily and watching gleefully as large chunks of the doughnut went down the side of the sofa..Honestly, this is why i have so many friends.

Now, time is getting on and dinner needs to be eaten, i might just head up to the store, maybe some doritos, a little salsa and an old friend of mine called Men in black 2.

Burning man is not going to know what hit it!

I love you all

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The pride of the lion and the heart of a ravanous dog attacking an overweight pig

I'm having to keep my mind in a state of constant while everything else seems to be falling apart..

I have to do the right thing..I can't let anyone down...But in not letting some im letting down others...

I go into the back of 24 Showells close today in some shithole area of Eastleigh, im on single items removal but she's got a fucking empire in there to load into the back of this lorry..

I'm pissed off at first, my brow furrows and i shoot her a stare somewhere between disbelief and rage, I tell her in my gaze that in 20 minutes time she will be responsible for an injured back and realising this, she recoils and looks shamefully at the floor..Unable to survey her own garden where half of the old bike frames, ripped bin liners, rusty paint pots and old furniture are obscured by undergrowth..

She says she's sorry and mumbles some excuse about her daughter getting pregnant which scacrely surprises me if this garden is to be taken as a measure of how these people live..But she hasn't realised that i don't mind..Work like this takes my mind off everything else and i can sink away into a pit of back breaking labour and not think for a while..

But some people do not have that luxury, they've got it on their plate all the time..Its always there,they can't escape and they can only endure..

But soon that'll all be over..I will do the right thing and be right where im needed..All the time for you..

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Nick wack paddy wack give the dog a bone...

It is now under a fortnight until, I, make myself known to a city in the desert..And i will let them eat cake, as much as they want.

Although they can have as much cake as they want for by the end of the week we will all look and sound like Tuscan raiders, and in some cases many of us will become Chewbacca. But thats fine because then we can say, nay have the right to say DON'T YOU FUCKING CROSS ME!!...I AM CHEWBACCA!!!

How to prepare? what to wear? nothing at all? of course not..No sex please British..Although im sure ill end up in plenty of strange conversations, Here's one ive envisioned already..For this piece i have colour coded the text according to who is speaking..The key is bellow

(Turtle walks up to speckly freckly burner and in his dry-gallows Southern English accent drawls)

Burner
Turtle


"Awight mate"

"Clothes"

"im sorry"?

"Clothes"

"ooh do you like them, its a nice silk fit down the legs with a little lace trim and i think the top matches, i reckon the Khwarzam-shah look is definately making a come back"

"Clothes are the bane of our society, get free with yourself, what better fit is there then your own skin? Get in touch with your inner child......Get naked"

"Why do that when clothes can say so much about who you are and what your into.. So many of your nuances can be explained in a single melodramtic flick of the wrists with a valore sleeve rolling down your taut arm"

"What says more about you then your naked skin that you restrict and hem tightly away where all the beautiful people around you can't see, What says more about you then the crevass of your armpit jigiling in the wind? or your genitals flowing up and down in ecstacy as you try to reach Nirvana on a trampoline?"

"That just sounds like id get cold..I spose it might tell people that i look cold?

"No, it will reveal your inner being"

"The only thing it will reveal is the last chicken in the shop"

"Which is beautiful, look and see"

"No i'm British, if you do that i might explode, it'll be too much for my sense of smarm and modesty and close-mindedness..I'll go so far over to the astral plain that ill never be able to eat curry and chips ever again or watch county cricket and that... Sir, is too much to risk..Good day to you..

"Clothes"

So there you have it..I microscopic peep at what to expect...

Very excited!

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Im feeling very socialist today..

And she became one of the directors of the Boston symphony and thats how she met Mike whose a millionaire, the guy who has to have the latest Lexus..

And she's just so driven and so determined, and she's a fabulous writer..She wants to open up a restaurant in New York..

Oh my God did you not see any of his work..Its wonderful...

Achievement, achievement, achievement...!!!

Do you want to know whats wonderful?

A man holding down a job in a ford factory till 2 in the afternoon, then ferrying cars about till 7 in another job and then delivering 750 copies of the Yellow pages in another before going home to his council estate to spend 10 minutes with his kids...Oh no sorry, 5 minutes (i forgot he has to bring the bunk beds that he's just bought for them up the flat) before going to bed...While the rest of the estate lounge of the DSS and get up at 11 in the morning whilst still managing to stump the money together to go shopping at Next

Thats wonderful, not the sicophant world based on Ivy league school grades, Rolex watches and whose chairman of this and whose assistant Gallery operator of that..There are people out there who arn't as lucky as that and they don't get the credit they deserve because no one gives a fuck about them...I wish i could kick shit up and change this but that'll never happen and never change the fact that young men with 2 kids working semi-skilled jobs for peanuts will never be more important then the guy who lives in Westcott Mews out in Suburleigh who drives his estate cars and always wears a finely pressed suit..

Spit!

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