Home coming

Well...

My time in Cardiff has come to an end. I have left the faded white walls, the garden wasteland, my arched cavern room, the creaking floors and all the mess. The move involved a few breakdowns as I reflected on what I had and what Im leaving behind.

Now i have returned to frozen suburban life, box like MFI houses and immaculate gardens. Plastic living and pretend cramped mediterranean ideals with one look into the acne ridden face of some spotty sneering air-headed chav loitering on the street corner to dispel any notion of clean living and a harmonious community.

The smell of fading dreams hangs in the air, the dog the owner didn't want, the estate cars each more silver then the last, the repition thats creeps up the delusional streets and suspcious stares of unpleasant lower-middle class men made mediocre who can't understand how you look as they unload their tesco shopping from their cars with the sprinkler licking the edge of their sandles and their immaculate haircuts stiffened in the gentle breaze..

I miss my fiance, i want her here with me...She could transform this place into a paradise rather then the isolated cauldron of nothingness that Southampton really is..Bless my parents,they've welcomed me back with open arms and they'll keep me sane during my stay but this doesn't feel like my home anymore because its not where my heart is..

Oh....

Eight things about me

I have apparently been 'blog tagged' which means i have to write some clap trap about myself so that you can all read and possibly jot down some notes with your trusty bic biro..

1) Turtle is my second name and has been subjected to a variety of different takes by various people including- Turtleo, turtlebay, Tur-tal, Turtle letta loo, Turtle dove, dove, Turtlehead, head and Matt the Turtle..The name was given by my father who was raised in Crawley and my mother who was brought up in New York.

2) I am coming to the end of living with two ex-public school DJ's with a penchant for fancy living on a student budget, one drug addicted Wlesh chav with a heart of gold and another Welsh chav addicted to soft rock and the three foods that he eats which are-pasta, kievs and pasta.

3) I am not a burner, i am a human being.

4) God manifests himself in a variety of guises to instruct different cultures and religion reflects the human spirit's capacity for good and evil in history. Bible morals and ethics are a wonderful code to live your life by but i don't take any religion at face value.. I am a happy person trying to live the right way which involves an acceptance of, or agreement with the world, or life, or God's will, or fate; one who lives this way will see the world as a miracle; there is no answer to the problem of life--the solution is the disappearance of the problem.

5) I am getting married in September to my soulmate and my best friend in the city of bright lights and mean Jeans.

6) I play music and have fronted a provocative new wave art-punk band with a fondness for Spanish sagas, tales of gang members and fictional latino lovers ..I currently play in a progressive folk outfit (prolk) known as The Beggars and plan to rule the world with them at some point.

7) My favourite song is vidrar vel til loftarasa by Sigur Ros which never fails to take my breath away and wreak havoc with my emotions.

8) I have been known to spin on my head and eat ham..boot people during football matches and laugh about it.. Ive also been known to stun people with my high octane dance moves which involve flailing limbs, bopping head and the troubled faces of people who unfortunately have to watch..

Right, done...and ill see you all soon..Possibly on the flip flop.

xxx

Seapage and leapage

Blogs are like people in closets who want to leap out of them...And ive been doing plenty of leaping this morning coming up with thoughts about Brit camp, leaping into making a decision, leaping back out..Leaped about playing badminton this morning against Helsie who is a tough competitor or as i told her much to her delight-a shit that won't flush.

Its all just seaping out of me, i read this morning that the Wimbledon commitee are unhappy about the standard of ball boys and girls, too many wild bouncing balls back to the players rather then nice symaterical rolls along the floor so they've employed IBM to design a programme to retrain the ball boys and girls in the art of the straight line..

Ridiculous....Why do they insist on taking every human aspect out of a game as possible, if a player swears its like "oh my god...he said fuck" says some fruit in an armani suit..its alright for them to wax lyrical about the troubled state of the game but its ok to bosh the snow later on in some hideous Clapham nightclub, double standards my dear Morley...Now they insist in making children into robotic caricatures and human automatons , rolling balls in a stereotyped manner to players that they'd much prefer to actually glance at rather then peer pointlessly at the floor..And what a waste of programmers time. It completely reiforces the snob culture that currently surrounds tennis, i mean 'Henman hill'?!!, no other sport would have anything as stupid is that, its not even a hill, its a tiny little verge peopled by idiots.

Anyway so its all seaping out of me today. Next on the agenda me and Jess will leap onto a certain train to spend a certain weekend with the pirate gang on a barge, shafting some fatboy slim and emlploying discourse with unruly Scots.. (Some pirate lingo should go here but im too embarassed to even attempt it)

xxx

Hang em all

'A killer, a rat a cleptomaniac with propaganda entwined as his name attacks all is lost and nothing is won in this game of cat and of mice and men'

Pretty good summary of George Bush (Junior) there i reckon. I find it extremely amsuing that the US Pres is a 'Junior'. Actually i don't..It makes me want to smack his shitty little face all the more...But anyhow i guess im feeling quite musical from the weekend after playing Thorganby beer festival with my band.

Now the festival was more like a village fete-so get those coachella and glastonbury images out of your head right now, and there wasn't any EL wire in site-Nope this was an old fashioned knees up where grissled Yorkshiremen in Hawaiian shirts holding laterns provided the most illumination..The booze was served in a buidling resembling those hideous 1980's community centres that Thatcher loved so much with its austere functional facade..There was the Marquee where we played and the surrounding greens where the revellers revelled and the students procrastinated.

And it was bloody excellent, We played a mix of originals and covers including The Pogues, Velvet Underground and V. Morrison.. A good time was had by all since we spent the whole day lazing around Robin's countryhouse smoking roll ups, playing cricket, football and keeping an eye on the world cup..However, where as i sought to create through the medium of bringing music to the hamlet dwellers of Thorganby my darling fiancee seemed to represent the more destructive side of the equation destroying both an entire shower and smashing a cubicle door clean off its hinges through her superhuman strength over the weekend.

Yesterday, slightly calmer remedies were sought for hangover which included chasing hens around at 8 in the morning and Sunday lunches served by Jonny Rotten in a York tavern..Today I continue my labourers in the flooded basement, the endgame approaches and im setting my heaviest pieces to deal a swift checkmate on the forces of damp and mould..In a nutshell, im gonna be moving loads of furniture about and pulling up wet carpet...

ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah...

xxx

I don't need any excuses im beautiful

Hello,

So, the powers that be have finally given me a blog on which i can express myself.. It was a long drawn out battle with the powers who tried to hound, coerce and even bribe me with holidays in far out places whose names i had best not mention...

I'm lying of course, its always best to start out a blog with a nice juicy lie..You see you don't want to know too much about me too quickly.. I could be a brain surgeon for all you know, operating on someones brain right now as im typing this, a conductor's arm in one hand in which i order about my minion nurses and interns -Brain surgeons don't do any actual operating, we're brain surgeons, paid to think about the mind for a large cash settlement, come up with theories about the brain that are then disproved by another neuro expert who lives in a lush beach house in Austria and has ham dinners with mayonaise and lobster on the side served by a butler called Anton Werner-Hmm, ive digressed.

So anyway im lying about that as well, im obviously not a sexy brain surgeon and i don't have particularly scientific thought processes either, more a random cacophony of mess that resembles a garden by a railway line (they always look rubbish!) ..Nope to set the lies and slander straight this blog was established in the usual manner that all of you worthless people established yours and after years of being jealous about these blog prophets, or blophets, ive decided to become a demi-god myself and let everyone know what i think about everything and bits and pieces about my life as well..

This is not to say that im always going to talk about what ive been doing, Turtle went from A and then to B and on the weekend he got a bit wasted so he went from A to X, no, no, no..You see im all about menial details as well because in the words of Hank Scorpio "Its the little things that make up life" so when i include things in my blog such as i brushed a bag with my leg when i went past it in the hall today or i touched a surface with my elbow whilst eating some bread please don't be surprised..

Of course, im lying about that too..for you see, blogs by there very nature are ostentatious so its going to be ALL ABOUT ME..Of course, i havent actually told any of you anything about me yet and im getting a little bit tired now..Been writing for a while..feel like i might need a nap, ill do all of that age, sex, location bollocks in the next blog entry..And of course all of you people who i know and love will crop up soon enough as its most likely that your going to be the only people reading this crap that i write..

Anyway, time for that nap and possibly a spot of lunch afterwards....Then i might feel like talking some more.

Bye Bye, No, bye....No put down the phone, no see you bye.......... xxx