I don't need any excuses im beautiful

Hello,

So, the powers that be have finally given me a blog on which i can express myself.. It was a long drawn out battle with the powers who tried to hound, coerce and even bribe me with holidays in far out places whose names i had best not mention...

I'm lying of course, its always best to start out a blog with a nice juicy lie..You see you don't want to know too much about me too quickly.. I could be a brain surgeon for all you know, operating on someones brain right now as im typing this, a conductor's arm in one hand in which i order about my minion nurses and interns -Brain surgeons don't do any actual operating, we're brain surgeons, paid to think about the mind for a large cash settlement, come up with theories about the brain that are then disproved by another neuro expert who lives in a lush beach house in Austria and has ham dinners with mayonaise and lobster on the side served by a butler called Anton Werner-Hmm, ive digressed.

So anyway im lying about that as well, im obviously not a sexy brain surgeon and i don't have particularly scientific thought processes either, more a random cacophony of mess that resembles a garden by a railway line (they always look rubbish!) ..Nope to set the lies and slander straight this blog was established in the usual manner that all of you worthless people established yours and after years of being jealous about these blog prophets, or blophets, ive decided to become a demi-god myself and let everyone know what i think about everything and bits and pieces about my life as well..

This is not to say that im always going to talk about what ive been doing, Turtle went from A and then to B and on the weekend he got a bit wasted so he went from A to X, no, no, no..You see im all about menial details as well because in the words of Hank Scorpio "Its the little things that make up life" so when i include things in my blog such as i brushed a bag with my leg when i went past it in the hall today or i touched a surface with my elbow whilst eating some bread please don't be surprised..

Of course, im lying about that too..for you see, blogs by there very nature are ostentatious so its going to be ALL ABOUT ME..Of course, i havent actually told any of you anything about me yet and im getting a little bit tired now..Been writing for a while..feel like i might need a nap, ill do all of that age, sex, location bollocks in the next blog entry..And of course all of you people who i know and love will crop up soon enough as its most likely that your going to be the only people reading this crap that i write..

Anyway, time for that nap and possibly a spot of lunch afterwards....Then i might feel like talking some more.

Bye Bye, No, bye....No put down the phone, no see you bye.......... xxx