Turtle's tantrums and tales

Why the hell do you need a description? the title and the posts are all you need so get reading...

Friday, December 21, 2007

Where is my mind?

I'm like a shivering hobo, a fucked up millipead, like an otter on crack or a lobster on speed!

I'm like a planet with dentures, a rabbit with dementia i'm a like flab on stick served up for your tea!!

Merry Christmas everyone. XxX

And ill see you in the New Year

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Christmas Party (Let's drink and frown)

So last night we ran out of wood and the evening was spent frantically chopping up damp wood from the top of our boat and stealing whatever we could find to burn from bins.

Tonight I am going to attend a glitzy Christmas party at the Royal Academy of Arts, darling, with a Russian dress up theme in anticipation of the exhibition we are having in January…It will be attended by the entire intellectual and creative cognoscenti of this most esteemed institution (namely drunken old men and neurotic women)

One hitch though, the Russian ministry for culture have apparently declared that they won’t lend the works to the Academy so the exhibition is off.. Oops..

So then celebrating an exhibition we won’t be having, hmmm…Russell Brand tabled the idea of a monkey government on the last programme Have I got news for you.

I think that has particular relevance to this whole fiasco.. Life is indeed strange at the moment, so I think ill just get back to celebrating good old fashioned Christmas with my tipple in hand and thoughts of fire wood in my mind.

Indeed, the only time I have felt myself recently was last night going at that wood with a blunt axe in my hand like that dude off the Shining. All is well, all is good.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Fucked Boiler

Well,

Boilers fucked.

Gloom all around, wind my only friend… No Hot water, No Hot Water, No Hot Water,

Oh no, the boiler must be fucked.

Friday, December 14, 2007

I feel like Bippo the clown

The boat has recently hit a new level of cold which is beating the living snot out of me and my wife. I am now convinced that convection is shit and trains are only good for warming your feet.

I just want to be warm. That’s all I want.

Decom happened recently and it was everything that I expected which in a way was great but there was posers element to it that messed with my head somewhat. Nowhere seems all well and good but if its full of the same scarcely veiled show-offs that make up Decom then I don’t want to know – Being dysfunctional isn’t a fashion, it’s an annoyance.

Led Zep are back and everyone is talking about ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and what a great tune ‘Stairway to Heaven’ is and by the way have you ever heard ‘Stairway to Heaven?’ its great.

In other news, sushi goes well and I’m now getting so use to wasabi that’s beginning to edge out mustard as my favourite ‘spice is nice’ treat. At work, offices are moving and I’m skiving off early today, booze on my mind with a renewed addiction to nicotine and that twat who wrote that column in the London paper the other day can fuck off.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Poem For Jan, Boo and Dash

Read the words
You turn the page
But all the words sound the same

But we’ll read them too
We’ll read them with you
Until the dawn of chapters new

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Pigee Exit Stage Left

Pigee Magoo didn’t know what to do
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!
He walked alone in darkness and madness No!
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!













Came to a town where he was born
The town he left
In fear and scorn
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!

And the memories he had
Came back through time
A message from god
To change his mind
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!

Where to start
Your life again
Endless questions
Where to begin
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!

Saw a girl by the fountain
He was attracted to her mountains
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!









And there will be no hope
In this life or the next
But if this is love
Then there may be some rest
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!
.. Pigee, Pigee yeah!

The End (Of this particular tale)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Zeal

He ordered the arrest of the hottest woman in the town.
For an act of lust that defied the laws of the crown
Wrapped around and outcast in a place that was too close to call
She would stand trial for the degradation of her soul.

But she would not respect
Any judge who would burn down his court
She condemned our practices
She condemned everything she saw
She raged and shouted like
No one had ever heard before.
Magoo sat quiet
Unmoved by it all
He calmly told her
He told there was no escape
Until the hallows of the gallows and
Her grisly fate.
But she would not respect
Any bars or jail cell door
She condemned the prison guard
And all that went before.

They talked in hushed whispers
Under the golden arch
Could they kill the man with the
Man with the iron heart?
One tear down Pigee’s cheek
Would tell them all they need to know
About a love that had grown so much
But had come so low.

They moved with haste and surrounded the palace gates
What once was peaceful soon became a mob fuelled by hate
They raged and shouted and demanded that he show his face
Dissention was their mantra and freedom was their fate

But no brute or man of flair
With strong roots
Or stylish hair
Would dethrone the king that day
He stood tall in the old town square.

He said if you don’t want me
Then I don’t want you
How can you look at me
And still do these things you do?
Etu Brute but the daggers were put away
To wait for another day
As the great wheel turns.

Something so pure to him there were
But the memories all gone they’re all gone they’re all gone
Something so pure to him there were
But the memories all gone they’re all gone they’re all gone.