Britain is like a toilet and London is the bottom of the bowl with all the shits of society bobbing on a stagnant swamp of bad manners and self indulgence. Even our very own Prime Minister is called Brown!

It's enough to make you weep, do you know that apparently the death of Diana is still mourned nationwide? I recently read an article by none other then Julie Burchill lamenting her demise. Am I the only one alive who wonders why we are still going on about this so much?

It smacks of the ignorant attitude of so many Royal lovers, they still cling on to the only half decent one we've had in recent times because she retains some kind of credibility and dare i say it, street cred - at least in the glam department. Of course, they want to keep loving the royals because they're all tory twats. But like all Tory twats they are so desperate to be cool like their idol David Cameron.

So they wear cons and worship Diana, they secretly get horny for Philip and the queen but they can't bring that up with their banker friends in the bar after crunching the numbers all day. They crunch and cringe within themselves but never realise it.

Of course, I can't compete with the power of superstar journos like Julie Burchill the fucking legend that she is. Or other journos harping on about the futility of marriage and how every other conceivable traditional pastime that we hold dear in life is really just a chore and a trial.

Over every English person hangs the cloud of inevitable disapointment. Read the newspapers to see what a truly miserable country this place is. We've got a government inventing terrorist plots to scare the nation, journos arguing for infidelity, Salman Rushdie's photo outside Wagamamms's on the South Bank. But that's okay because we've got Diana to remember and a football team to moan about...

Anyone for tennis?..No, fuck off and grow up Britain..